Generalizations are never a good thing

Gordon from We Are Respectable Negroes responded to yesterday's rant.

I started to respond in the comments section, but I was so long winded...So here it is.


Between listening to the WAOD podcast this morning and reading MANY ignorant comments on Dear Black Man, my blood was boiling.

I wrote this post early in my day and dashed off to work. During the drive, I started thinking that:

1. My father doesn't make me tired. At all. He's been nothing but supportive of my mother and me my whole entire life. I'm a child of a non-deserter BM. I was guilty of the compartmentalization that I often accuse men (of all races). How can I attribute such a negative thing to a large group of people, and completely discount the most important people in my life?

2. My black male friends don't make me tired. Oh, wait. Sometimes they do. Moving on...

3. All black men don't make me tired. Actually, that's quite a ridiculous idea, especially given that I do not know all black men.

Gordon says:

The way some of these folks talk, black men who are openly hostile to professional black women and who only date white women are the majority. That's so far from the truth that it's crazy. If you see these types of black men everywhere you look, the problem is with your filter.

I don't actually think these men are the majority. Even if they were, I only deal with these people in passing because I make it a point to keep them at arms length. My real problem is that culturally, black women are being held to a double standard.


I have no problem supporting the causes of African-American men. I believe a crime against one is a crime against all (including black on black crime, but that's another discussion entirely) It just seems that black women are constantly being asked to support men at the expense of their own well-being and self-esteem and anyone who challenges an idea has an attitude. We're being told to sacrifice ourselves in one breath and then we're being told that we are not worthy as women in the next breath.

My mother says this is nothing new in America (then she brings up the Civil Rights Movement). This is simply new to me.


...as I write this, I see parallels in the Democratic Party and the black community. hmmm......

Powered by ScribeFire.

We are respectable negroes putting it down again.

I thought this was an interesting post. My father and I had a similar discussion this morning.

clipped from wearerespectablenegroes.blogspot.com Gordon Gartrelle says: The Democrats refuse to see the Wizard The fact that she is a Clinton is what’ll ultimately sink her. Feeling good about New Hampshire women coming to bat for their girl? That's nice. Feel this: do you know how many conservative and moderate women will come out to vote, not for a Republican, not against a Democrat, but against Hillary personally? People will crawl from the swamps to ensure she never sets foot in the White House again. If this is fairly obvious even to party loyalists, why are the rest of the Democrats so blind? I think it’s a collection of things: cowardice, strategic and ideological stagnation, an insider devotion to the status quo, and the all too predictable establishment liberal mantra, “White is right (to lead black people), black is awesome (but if it comes down to white vs. black leadership, black get back).

Black men make me tired

Ok.

I have to get this off my chest. This morning, I came across two websites that really got my blood boiling.

First.

What About Our Daughters

I go back and forth about how much I enjoy this website. At times I find the women screechy and I don't know that I actually agree with all of their messages and tactics.

What attracted me to them initially was the portrayal (and betrayal) of black women in the media. I wondered what we were teaching our children about the value of black women.

Every week they do a podcast with black bloggers on blogtalkradio.com. This week they discussed the New Hampshire primary returns.

Second.

I came across Dear Black Man: I'm Not Angry, I'm just mad as hell .

Intriguing.

The website features stories about ways black women can relate to black men in a more meaningful manner.

Nice. I guess.

After further review I discovered that it's not black women who are mad as hell, it's the black men.

The site features an open letter section where black men can air all of their tired laundry.

How are these two things connected?

Well, on this week's WAOD roundtable a caller decided to voice his concerns with the fact that these ladies were not Obama supporters. This was a surprise to the ladies because they are not against Obama, they are just trying to figure out the best candidate for them will be.

The caller (a black man) asserted that all black women should be supporting Obama, we should put our gender aside because that is not important and that Obama needs to be our choice because he is the first viable black candidate. Professor Tracy took issue with the request that she forget her gender to support a candidate that might not be best for her well-being. Another blogger then challenged Mr. Black Man to explain the issues that Obama supported that would positively change their lives. (I'm paraphrasing). Mr. Black Man could only come up with He's not Jesse, he's not Al, he's not Shirley Chisholm. Then he was asked what issues make him, (Mr. Black Man) support Obama. Same story. First black man as president.

hmmmm.......

As this was going on in the background I was reading this:

...Now she wants to be independent instead of us teaming up to build a dynasty. I really feel that BM woman wants to lead the BM and control all aspects of black life. More times than not when a BW acheives socalled success there was a man in the picture to help make it happen. The BW wants her own materialism. Once a BM has been burned in this way he very seldom ever trust another BW. Do BW hate BM? I actually have been able to build my businesses successly with out her. I never would have beleived that she was the one whom did want me to succeed because she wanted her own recognition. Now she now one the 70% of BW looking for a good man.

Here's my thing, I feel like everywhere I turn, I read/see/hear something that speaks to the problem with black women:

1. We're too educated
2. We're too outspoken or we have an attitude
3. We're too independent (A condition caused by the abandonment of the black family en masse by black men, even if you weren't a victim of said loss, you still consume it as part of the culture at large)
4. We don't care what happens to men now because we have so much for ourselves.

All of this is usually followed by "Who are you going to date now, you've got so much for yourselves now your all alone. Ha!" or "Welcome to the 70% of black women who are unmarried!"

Well now wait a second. If you really don't care about us, and we don't deserve your attention, and you're better off with out us and that's why you only date white women, then why do you need us to vote for Obama without questioning his position?

Why do you need us to not have our defenses up when you step to us in the club or at the bar?

Why do you need us to support you financially when the going gets tough?

Why do you need us to subvert all of our goals and aspirations just so that we can make YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN? Act like a man! Are you a man? Why is that not enough? Why must black women act like sub-humans in order for us to be feminine?

Why, after all of this screaming that we aren't good enough, that we aren't worthy, that we aren't pretty, that we are worthless; are we supposed to support what any black man does, just because they are a black man. This is not a two-way street, and I resent expectation. (Oh I could go on and on about expectations).

I'm done.

My Froggy Carr Obsession

This is the Mummers group that the kid in my police brutality photo belonged to. Clearly. They. Like. Beer.

clipped from williampennmanship.blogspot.com Froggy Carr to star in new Coors Light commercial The company was so very impressed by the groups consumption of the beverage on New Year's Day that Pete Coors, president, flew in to personally make an offer to its captain "What can I say, Froggy Carr likes Coors Light," said Mummer, Franky Cavanaugh.

My continued obsession with race.

I know that I'm supposed to hate Shelby Steele. I just can't get over the fact that I agree with 89% of what he just said in this interview.

(I hate Fox News...That has NOT changed)

Hat tip to We Are Respectable Negroes. One of my new favorite blogs.

clipped from wearerespectablenegroes.blogspot.com You know what? A broken clock is right twice a day.

In the words of The Bitch

In the words of bell hooks, "I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance."

On Sunday Julia made me watch Meet the Press. First let it be known that I can't stand Tim Russert. Second, I must say that I am tired of listening to Bill Cosby, even if there is some truth to his complaints.

I muddled through the hour. Twice. The non-interview (because Russert didn't say much) gave me food for thought.

Bloggers weighed in on the discussion and Angry Black Bitch (linked on my Blog Roll Call) posted a great response.

I will leave this one to The Bitch.

A-kimmie's Heel

wan·der·lust
Pronunciation: 'wän-d&r-"l&st
Function: noun
: strong longing for or impulse toward wandering

As I walked into my office building today, I was overcome with ennui. I felt it as soon as I opened the door.

Ennui.

I even mentioned it to Julia. (Her response was "what are you talking about?!")

All day long, my personal soundtrack ran through my mind. I could hear my mother saying:

-"No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back."

I can hear myself telling a co-worker:
- "You haven't even given this place a chance. How do you know it's time to go?"

My friend Philip is yelling:
-"You need to have a job with no responsibility for awhile. Take the money, figure out what you really want to do, and then RUN! Literally. "

Well, I have said job. There are responsibilities (that I do not like), but the salary is high enough for me to do the job just for the money. There are relationships and events at work that make me uncomfortable. The alarm in my head started out small and quiet, now I cannot hear anything else. I'm trying to suck it up, while I desperately come up with a game plan. My problem is, all of this wandering has taught me a bit about what I should not be doing, but I still do not know what I should do instead.

Since I have no one to answer to (no kids, no spouse, no boyfriend) it is quite simple for me to pick up and leave town. But why? I have other goals: I would like to be in a relationship, I would like to have children one day; I would like to have a hobby as a hobby, not a hobby as a career. For the past 2 years, I have been trying to figure out how to make "settle down" happen without much success. I tried staying past my comfort zone, and that turned out to be a disaster. Maybe this is still my time to wander, even if I am getting old.

David Brooks says that I am in the odyssey life phase. Somehow, I am chasing something that doesn't exist. What is that something? What am I chasing that I cannot achieve? If I can figure that out, I bet I will settle down.

Since you asked...

Here we go again.

I came across this letter on Salon.com. Here's yet another 30-something black woman who can't get a date.

I'm tired of thinking about this. I'm tired of reading about this. I really just want to give up. I think it's time for me to accept the fact that I won't be meeting anyone, I won't be dating anyone, I won't be marrying anyone. By the time I recover from this latest round of frustration, I will be well past my expiration date.

I'm never going to be one of those "fast" hyper-sexual women who exudes the promise of sex at every turn. I'm finished being forward, it just never works out for me. I'm tired of letting the man be a man, that usually turns into some controlling/borderline abusive situation.

For now, it's me, the dog, and the tivo. Occasionally I can visit my friends who've had the good fortune of finding a companion. Maybe I'll make some new friends.

As for dating?


I'm done.

(whew....that reads more bitter than I thought I felt)

Just when you think you have nothing in common

I learned something very interesting at work today. Just when I thought this person could not be any more different, I learned we have similar misgivings.

After careful thought, I realized that we are still very different, but my feelings aren't way off base.

Here's a little piece from SNL. This reminds me that everyone suffers from workplace headaches.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...

Now that I have a new (full-time permanent) job my blog will focus on my latest obsessions: race and the anti-racist movement, the abundance of negative stereotypes of black women portrayed in the media, and reality television. Cheetos Rock! Have you seen Sabrina Bryan on Dancing with the Stars?

Here is a clip of Bryan on the dance floor:




(Go to 2:21 for the beginning of the dance)

The Resurrection

I'm slowly beginning to come out of hiding. I'm recovering from the disaster my life has become.

Most of the ruin is from my personal poor choices. Some of the ruin is from believing in people who don't believe in themselves, people who dealing with internal demons running away from the messes they've created. Well. I can relate to that can't I? While I sympathize I don't need to be witness to the madness, this time I must exercise a little self-preservation. Some of my destruction comes from my ability to see the potential in things...the other side of struggle can be glorious. Not everyone is strong enough to make it through the hard times and sometimes I need to learn the art of giving up or moving on.


Moving on...

All You've Got To Do Is Dream

Shooting at the Olando Ale House

Anyone who has worked for Walt Disney World has probably made at least one trip to this bar and restaurant, so when Julia sent me the link to this article I was stunned.


Well, it was never the nicest bar in the world, but it's shocking all the same.

Procrastination

I have so many thoughts about Dreamgirls that I can't begin to write a coherent blog post about the movie.

From the Jennifer Holiday controversy to Jennifer Hudson's Oscar nomination there is so much to say about this movie.

There were parts that I loved, including Ms. Hudson's performance of "And I am Telling You". I have never experienced a show stopper in the movie theater. In my opinion, Hudson's performance took me on a greater emotional journey than Ms. Holiday (of course, I was five when I saw Jennifer Holiday live, but with the power of You Tube, my memory has been refreshed.) For me, the movie recording of "AIATY" and "Dreamgirls" replace the original cast album as the definitive versions of these songs.

That's all for now. Maybe I need to view the movie a 6th time.

Here's my list of things to watch:

"One Night Only" on BET.

In the spirit of the new season of American Idol check out my favorite JHud performance:


My favorite contestant so far this season, I laughed hysterically at this audition:


If you are tired of singing check out Baxter's diary as he visits the grandparents while his mom works a crazy schedule.

Questions of the week:

(This is for the theater heads)
Is it ok for me to be bitter about Grease: You're the One that We Want? Of course I'm watching it, but when will America have enough of the NEXT blonde girl with a mediocre voice realizing her dreams of stardom? Never? Am I the only person interested in seeing how they cast the rest of the show? (Rizzo anyone?) To me Sandy and Danny are the least interesting people in Grease, and further, every school in America has done a production of Grease, does it really matter who lands the lead role? Trust me, the Broadway core audience, is not going to be paying off local drug dealers to get the hot tickets for this production.

::stepping down from the soapbox::

A break from Dreamgirls

In the meantime, enjoy some SNL humor.