No escape: Not Woman Enough

"And ain't I a woman?"

Racialcious guest contributor Tami wrote a very thoughtful post about how often people forget that black women are WOMEN too.


This post hit home for me because on my recent trip, I had an encounter with a couple from Italy. It was late at night and my travel buddy and I were out on the balcony having a quiet conversation as we enjoyed our last evening on the beach. First, the woman came out upset that we were actually talking, and then she sent her husband out. He proceeded to curse us out in Italian. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at 3AM. The people walking around the resort stopped to watch the situation unfold.

You know me. I don't stand for that kind of thing. I got up and walked away, but this guy proceeded to engage my friend in the end yelling "Fuck You!" in Italian.

In what universe does a 70-year-old man curse at two young ladies, who have really done nothing? We were not having a party, or laughing or playing quarters. We were whispering. Then it hit me. We are so low on the totem pole of social hierarchy, coupled with the fact that we were not even perceived as females, it was easy. We were not the same kind of human.

It is one thing to walk around the States and know the history and the struggle of black females in America. To know that this kind of prejudice is so ingrained in the culture that you just keep on keeping on because if you let it stop you there would be no living for all the anger. To engage with someone who does not share that history and to be treated the same way was:

HEARTBREAKING

That's life though.

Tami's words and the associated comments help me know that I am not alone in the struggle. I just don't know what that means. I cannot quite figure out why I care so much. Is it because I can't get a date? Is it because now that I am getting older I would love to have help hefting my 50lb suitcase into the car? Is it because half of my identity, the woman part, is largely ignored by society as a whole, and ignored by the men who look like me?

I talked about Damaged Black Men, but it seems that despite my efforts I'm heading straight down the path of Damaged Black Woman, and I don't have negative relationships with men to blame for the damage, this happened just by living.

Whatever. The good part about being a woman is having hope. Perception of black women cannot be this dismal forever. Can it?

Happy Valentine's Day!

HOPE

I love this picture.

I think I can do this....

There is an interracial dating blog that I've been following. I initially found this site on some black guy's blog. He was rating that Evia and Halima hate on black men by calling them DBR (Damaged Beyond Repair).

Black Women's IR Circle is quite interesting. I don't know where I stand on the issue of dating outside the race, but the ladies bring up some great points. The idea that really resonates with me is that in terms of sheer numbers, by limiting myself to black men only, I'm setting myself up for a bit of man-sharing.

Not an option!

The thought that follows is that eligible black men who are willing to date black women take advantage of the numbers and in turn shit on the black women who are "lucky" enough to date them.

Right now I'm just standing on the sidelines observing. Since I have issues, at this point I'd rather be by myself than date a DBR or a white man.

Whatever. This issue is so complex. The real reason for my post is the most recent discussion on Halima's blog. The title of the post?

Are black girls rapidly normalising the 'hierarchy' of who is worthy of love an companionship?

My heart stopped. The idea is so painful, but only because I know there is so much truth in the idea. Halima writes:

Are black girls rapidly normalising societies spelt out ‘hierarchy’ of who is loveable, worthy to be feted and whose hand should be sought in marriage. The sad thing is that I think our generation has a lot to do with this state of affairs, by being inert and refusing to unequivocally counter any campaign to declare us unlovable, and unviable as partners. We just stood their and took it, no doubt complaining, but still in essence ‘taking it’. There was no real and practical response when it was being declared that ‘it is good that bw should be alone”.

An interesting thought.

Halima continues:

I must add that 'complacency', 'indifference', 'apathy', 'shrugging of shoulders' is becoming a very big barrier to rooting out misogyny and anti-bw sentiments in our community, because bw themselves become indifferent to and even content to wear the chains placed around their necks and even celebrate these as ‘happy garlands’.

What about the issue of non-bboys ignoring bgirls. Do you think they are internalising this sentiment from seeing that bboys don’t even give fellow bgirls (apart from the near white ones), the time of day? And thus, are bg becoming invisible to them or are they absorbing this from general societal sentiments that have declared that bw are not serious relationship/dating material?

OK. These words are difficult to read. While I'm nodding my head in agreement, inside I'm screaming "What the hell were we supposed to do instead?!" How were we not supposed to alienate the few black men who would associate with us? How were we not supposed to seem different from the stereotypical black women when faced with some white women who wanted to sex up some black man? If I responded to everything that hurt my ego or my chances for dating, I would have nothing positive to say in any social situation.

I guess I'm willing to take the blame. That's what black women do, isn't it? Take the blame for every social ill that plagues the black community. This time, however, it is our fault, and DIRECTLY impacts our daily lives.

Now I'm off to read the comments. I'll probably want a drink by the time I'm finished.

ETA --This is one of the first comments:

It's a shame.

Black girls have been watching all the while black women have been degrading themselves by wasting their time, resources, energy, and youth with undeserving damaged beyond repair black males.

Black women have taught black girls by example the lie that their undesirable and must be content with this situation.

Another poster writes:

what really use to annoy me was knowing how so many young black girls in general would take their white female friends around black males in black casual and group settings (mostly in the states). It's as if some black girls are now actually part of the program to their own demise.

La~ this is what I meant when i said that I am often times get confused by bw strong need to be magnanimous and open minded in a world that is utterly unfair to them. In a sense like you, I think this does point to the fact that they accept their subordinate position and as you say are going a step further to actually facilitate it!

Guilty Again. I don't know that I've ever invited a white friend to a black casual setting, but if pressed by a friend, I'm often reluctant to say I don't want to bring them because they are white.

Jeez.

Looks like I'm going to want that drink to get through the comments...::sigh::

How many times has this happened to you?

This video is hysterical.




(hat tip: Racialicious)

I'm about to take a break from the election

This is an exciting week for me. American Idol just started Season 7.

We've done six seasons already? My how time flies. Anywhoo....


Before I get into my reality tv obsession I must share this little gem.

Melissa Harris-Lacewell debates Gloria Steinem, about her op-ed piece in the New York Times last week.

Click here to watch or listen.

Two words come to mind: Feral Cats

clipped from thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com

feral

• adjective 1 in a wild state, especially after escape from captivity or domestication

Food for thought

clipped from www.slate.com Cos and EffectBill Cosby may be right about African-Americans spending a lot on expensive sneakers—but he's wrong about why. Many in the black community have been critical of Cosby for blaming poor people rather than poor public policies. But notably absent from the Cosby affair have been the underlying economic facts. Do blacks actually spend more on consumerist indulgences than whites? And if so, what, exactly, makes black Americans more vulnerable to the allure of these luxury goods? Charles, Hurst, and Roussanov argue that it's because blacks and whites are seeking status in different communities. In the racially divided society we live in, whites are trying to impress other whites, and blacks are trying to impress other blacks. But because poor blacks are more likely to live among other poor blacks than poor whites are to live among other poor whites, poor black families are more susceptible to being pulled into a signaling game with their neighbors.

This whole article is thought provoking and interesting.

Read the whole thing here:
http://www.slate.com/id/2181822

Generalizations are never a good thing

Gordon from We Are Respectable Negroes responded to yesterday's rant.

I started to respond in the comments section, but I was so long winded...So here it is.


Between listening to the WAOD podcast this morning and reading MANY ignorant comments on Dear Black Man, my blood was boiling.

I wrote this post early in my day and dashed off to work. During the drive, I started thinking that:

1. My father doesn't make me tired. At all. He's been nothing but supportive of my mother and me my whole entire life. I'm a child of a non-deserter BM. I was guilty of the compartmentalization that I often accuse men (of all races). How can I attribute such a negative thing to a large group of people, and completely discount the most important people in my life?

2. My black male friends don't make me tired. Oh, wait. Sometimes they do. Moving on...

3. All black men don't make me tired. Actually, that's quite a ridiculous idea, especially given that I do not know all black men.

Gordon says:

The way some of these folks talk, black men who are openly hostile to professional black women and who only date white women are the majority. That's so far from the truth that it's crazy. If you see these types of black men everywhere you look, the problem is with your filter.

I don't actually think these men are the majority. Even if they were, I only deal with these people in passing because I make it a point to keep them at arms length. My real problem is that culturally, black women are being held to a double standard.


I have no problem supporting the causes of African-American men. I believe a crime against one is a crime against all (including black on black crime, but that's another discussion entirely) It just seems that black women are constantly being asked to support men at the expense of their own well-being and self-esteem and anyone who challenges an idea has an attitude. We're being told to sacrifice ourselves in one breath and then we're being told that we are not worthy as women in the next breath.

My mother says this is nothing new in America (then she brings up the Civil Rights Movement). This is simply new to me.


...as I write this, I see parallels in the Democratic Party and the black community. hmmm......

Powered by ScribeFire.

We are respectable negroes putting it down again.

I thought this was an interesting post. My father and I had a similar discussion this morning.

clipped from wearerespectablenegroes.blogspot.com Gordon Gartrelle says: The Democrats refuse to see the Wizard The fact that she is a Clinton is what’ll ultimately sink her. Feeling good about New Hampshire women coming to bat for their girl? That's nice. Feel this: do you know how many conservative and moderate women will come out to vote, not for a Republican, not against a Democrat, but against Hillary personally? People will crawl from the swamps to ensure she never sets foot in the White House again. If this is fairly obvious even to party loyalists, why are the rest of the Democrats so blind? I think it’s a collection of things: cowardice, strategic and ideological stagnation, an insider devotion to the status quo, and the all too predictable establishment liberal mantra, “White is right (to lead black people), black is awesome (but if it comes down to white vs. black leadership, black get back).

Black men make me tired

Ok.

I have to get this off my chest. This morning, I came across two websites that really got my blood boiling.

First.

What About Our Daughters

I go back and forth about how much I enjoy this website. At times I find the women screechy and I don't know that I actually agree with all of their messages and tactics.

What attracted me to them initially was the portrayal (and betrayal) of black women in the media. I wondered what we were teaching our children about the value of black women.

Every week they do a podcast with black bloggers on blogtalkradio.com. This week they discussed the New Hampshire primary returns.

Second.

I came across Dear Black Man: I'm Not Angry, I'm just mad as hell .

Intriguing.

The website features stories about ways black women can relate to black men in a more meaningful manner.

Nice. I guess.

After further review I discovered that it's not black women who are mad as hell, it's the black men.

The site features an open letter section where black men can air all of their tired laundry.

How are these two things connected?

Well, on this week's WAOD roundtable a caller decided to voice his concerns with the fact that these ladies were not Obama supporters. This was a surprise to the ladies because they are not against Obama, they are just trying to figure out the best candidate for them will be.

The caller (a black man) asserted that all black women should be supporting Obama, we should put our gender aside because that is not important and that Obama needs to be our choice because he is the first viable black candidate. Professor Tracy took issue with the request that she forget her gender to support a candidate that might not be best for her well-being. Another blogger then challenged Mr. Black Man to explain the issues that Obama supported that would positively change their lives. (I'm paraphrasing). Mr. Black Man could only come up with He's not Jesse, he's not Al, he's not Shirley Chisholm. Then he was asked what issues make him, (Mr. Black Man) support Obama. Same story. First black man as president.

hmmmm.......

As this was going on in the background I was reading this:

...Now she wants to be independent instead of us teaming up to build a dynasty. I really feel that BM woman wants to lead the BM and control all aspects of black life. More times than not when a BW acheives socalled success there was a man in the picture to help make it happen. The BW wants her own materialism. Once a BM has been burned in this way he very seldom ever trust another BW. Do BW hate BM? I actually have been able to build my businesses successly with out her. I never would have beleived that she was the one whom did want me to succeed because she wanted her own recognition. Now she now one the 70% of BW looking for a good man.

Here's my thing, I feel like everywhere I turn, I read/see/hear something that speaks to the problem with black women:

1. We're too educated
2. We're too outspoken or we have an attitude
3. We're too independent (A condition caused by the abandonment of the black family en masse by black men, even if you weren't a victim of said loss, you still consume it as part of the culture at large)
4. We don't care what happens to men now because we have so much for ourselves.

All of this is usually followed by "Who are you going to date now, you've got so much for yourselves now your all alone. Ha!" or "Welcome to the 70% of black women who are unmarried!"

Well now wait a second. If you really don't care about us, and we don't deserve your attention, and you're better off with out us and that's why you only date white women, then why do you need us to vote for Obama without questioning his position?

Why do you need us to not have our defenses up when you step to us in the club or at the bar?

Why do you need us to support you financially when the going gets tough?

Why do you need us to subvert all of our goals and aspirations just so that we can make YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN? Act like a man! Are you a man? Why is that not enough? Why must black women act like sub-humans in order for us to be feminine?

Why, after all of this screaming that we aren't good enough, that we aren't worthy, that we aren't pretty, that we are worthless; are we supposed to support what any black man does, just because they are a black man. This is not a two-way street, and I resent expectation. (Oh I could go on and on about expectations).

I'm done.

My continued obsession with race.

I know that I'm supposed to hate Shelby Steele. I just can't get over the fact that I agree with 89% of what he just said in this interview.

(I hate Fox News...That has NOT changed)

Hat tip to We Are Respectable Negroes. One of my new favorite blogs.

clipped from wearerespectablenegroes.blogspot.com You know what? A broken clock is right twice a day.

In the words of The Bitch

In the words of bell hooks, "I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance."

On Sunday Julia made me watch Meet the Press. First let it be known that I can't stand Tim Russert. Second, I must say that I am tired of listening to Bill Cosby, even if there is some truth to his complaints.

I muddled through the hour. Twice. The non-interview (because Russert didn't say much) gave me food for thought.

Bloggers weighed in on the discussion and Angry Black Bitch (linked on my Blog Roll Call) posted a great response.

I will leave this one to The Bitch.

Just when you think you have nothing in common

I learned something very interesting at work today. Just when I thought this person could not be any more different, I learned we have similar misgivings.

After careful thought, I realized that we are still very different, but my feelings aren't way off base.

Here's a little piece from SNL. This reminds me that everyone suffers from workplace headaches.

Reality on TV

I've taken a break from blogging about Dancing with the Stars because we're going into a finale with Mario and Emmitt and I am knee deep in reality television heaven.

Team Hispanic Against Team Black...The New American Reality.


Since I'm on the subject of American realities, I hope everyone is watching Ugly Betty. Sure it's melodramatic and the title is intimidating, but it is a great show. The exploration of race and class often makes me think about the show for days afterward. For instance, on Television Without Pity people are slowly starting to recognize that Vanessa Williams character, Wilhelmina, is more qualified than the wayward son of the owner of Mode. Wil, the opposite of Ugly Betty because she is beautiful, fashionable, and comes from a well-to-do family, is also similar to Betty because she is a minority and intelligent, and that automatically takes a back seat to bloodlines. Ugly Betty is based on a telenovela, "Yo soy Betty, la fea". Telenovelas by nature are overly dramatic stories of women of the underclass crossing barriers into the wealth class. It will be interesting to see how ABC handles the tough issues. Immigration? Did ABC really want to go there? Whatever. You can catch the last four episodes of Ugly Betty on ABC.com.

The other thing I watched last night was "Soulmates", a documentary on the realities of black women and marriage. Lately, all of my conversations have been about the lack of suitable people to date and marry. While I have the discussion with both black and white friends, the tone is often different. The white unattached women seem to date on a consistent basis, regardless off how attractive they are. They also seem to think that they will eventually find someone. Which is very different from my black female friends who aren't in long-term relationships. The unpaired people seem to feel like they've missed the boat, and are trying to come to terms with the idea that they will be single for the rest of their lives. "Soulmates" echoes that sentiment, and encourages women to figure out how they will deal if they are never married (they encourage being completely wrapped up in your relationship with God.... it was Clean Heart Productions after all.)

Where does that leave me? I haven't given up hope. Once I'm finished working 20 hour days, I will begin doing some of the silly challenges I see on all my reality TV shows, some of those people seem pretty homely, maybe all I need is a little extra effort. I'll also see if I can recruit other people to join in. I'll post the results on my blog.

My first hurdle is overnight rehearsals; I'm not attractive at all on 10 days of no sleep.

Long Overdue

For those of you following Dancing with the Stars, follow the link to some breaking news:


Willa and Max were voted off Team White's island, however Sara Evans has decided to leave the show after filing for divorce. This comes as a big relief to those who were bothered by the fact that this lackluster dancer remained in the competition while better competitors went home week after week. Will they bring Willa and Max back? I hope not, even still that's a small price to pay to see the Delay endorsed non-dancer gone.


In other Dancing with the Stars news, Jimmy Kimmel uncovered Team Hispanic in a Swashbucklin' production number:



Knowing how to spot can make anyone look like a professional dancer. If you are sick like me and review the video multiple times, you will see that Mario is sorely lacking in turn out and pointed toes. I'm further convinced that his participation in Dancing with the Stars is fair.

If you want to view more Kids Incorporated clips go to www.kidsincorporated.us.


Celebrity Duets
Well.... that was short lived. Jai was ousted and the only "singer" left in the competition was Alphonso.

Take a look at the ever-popular Lucy Lawless. The only word that comes to my mind is FARCE.

Take a look for yourself the madness begins 1:10 into the clip.

I'm Back

Reality TV is back and so am I.

Let me start with Survivor: Race Wars.

With all of the hoopla over Mark Burnett's latest ratings stunt, I figured I would tune in to Survivor. How could I miss an opportunity to cheer on my own kind? So. Congratulations Mr. Burnett, you got me to tune in to the season premier. Here’s the thing:

I'm a reality TV junkie who hates Survivor, I don't care how many blacks you throw off the slave ship; I still don't like the show.

I've been watching for 30 minutes and I've already seen the black people take a break, the white people act like sluts, and the Asians lay healing hands on each other.

...And the contestants had hopes that this show would dispel some stereotypes.

How naive.

Moving on to Dancing with the Stars

First-
Let's hear a big “Peace Out Bow Tie Bitch” to Tucker. Although his performance was truly funny, I can't support someone that asinine in his day job. If you missed it, see below, pay close attention to Tucker's face.



Second-
Joey Lawrence was kind of hot in a grungy way, so different from his Blossom persona.

Finally-
Since Survivor Race Wars is not working out for me, I think I will play Dancing with the Stars: Race Wars.

For the Black Team:
Emmitt Smith-his ease on the dance floor, cool calm, and lucky pairing with Cheryl Burke make him a great contender. He single-handedly made viewers forget about Master P (aka "Club, Club, shuffle step, Club”) and Jerry Rice (charming but bad).

Vivica A. Fox (Yes Jomal, I know you love her name)-
Vivica was poised and elegant as any black lady over 40 should be on television (take note Mary J you have 3 years to figure it out), and she also demonstrated the requisite amount of rhythm for the race to support her in this competition.

Monique Coleman-
I had such high hopes for her because she was in High School Musical. Sadly she lacked star quality. I guess I can throw her some race votes until the competition gets really stiff. Given the choice between her and Mario Lopez, I'd have to vote for the dimples, sorry.

For the Hispanic Team:
Mario Lopez seems to be the only contender, although it is entirely possible that I've overlooked someone who identifies as Hispanic. Either way, Mario's performance was very strong and he will take Team Hispanic to the top 3. (I hope)

The White Team:

Tucker- already gone. Thank heavens.
Jerry- Too cute. Jerry is adorable in a way the George HAMilton could never be. I don't know how long Jerry will be around, but he can't dance so who cares.
As for the rest of the actor/beauty queen Caucasian pack it will be interesting to see who emerges as their strong dancer. Willa perhaps?

Project Runway:

I love Michael Knight. Carry on.

On a lighter note-

For your viewing enjoyment, the ultimate reality show. The local news:

Update

I still need to post about the month of May. For now, I'll give a quick update.

1. Baxter. He came into my life when he was merely seven weeks old. He cried through the night, had to relieve himself all day, and when I wanted to be up, he was sound asleep. I imagine my experience is a fraction of what new mothers go through. With that in mind, I may never have a baby.

Although I lack sleep, Baxter is adorable. I love the dog and my parents love him even more. I’m beginning to feel bad about denying my parents grandchildren…. just a little.


2. Currently I'm experiencing a mild crisis. Now that I've completed #4 on my "Pre-30" list, I feel it necessary to have a fulfilling job. My next gig is ending in 7 weeks and my lease in a different city is up in 7.5 weeks. Beyond that, I have no idea what to do with myself. The one thing I seem to know is that I must have my bed.

3. Lya's Fringe Festival production of Fantasy, Girl is coming along. Please pray that we all maintain our sanity. You can check out the show's website at www.2littlepeople.com.


4. Does anyone else watch Big Love on HBO? I realize that I carry my super-liberal artistic ideal of "live and let live" but Polygamy really pushes my limits. The show is well written and handles polygamy in the modern age. Sympathetic and humorous characters are well drawn and the viewer can forget that the lifestyle is by no means socially acceptable. There are disturbing plot points that really make me wonder how a non-Fundamental LDS would ever agree to subject herself-- and more importantly her children -- to a life of secrets and lies. If you haven't watched, the show can be seen On Demand through the end of the month. Trust me, you'll be riveted.

Question of the day:
Randal was booed on the Aprentice Finale this week. Does America know that their hatred for him is racially motivated? OR Are we all living in the dark?

Barry and I Made it Through the Rain

This morning my blog entry began like this:

Well-meaning people usually have all of the prejudices of non-well meaning people.

I left the apartment feeling like the world was an ugly place dressed with PC talk. I returned with a second interview and hope that I would escape some of the aforementioned people. Then I was treated to Barry Manilow on American Idol.

Barry’s weeks are always the strongest. He clearly follows the show and always knows the contestants’ strengths and weaknesses. He also knows how to put together an arrangement that will knock the socks off American viewers. The contestants who could sing were amazing (with the exception of Lisa Tucker).

To listen to my favorite performance of the evening click here.

JoMAAAAL (tm Kenneth Green...yes the same one)

Soleil's Dad left very touching comments in response to my 5AM Ramblings so I will respond directly on the blog.

You know it's funny. If I remember correctly, Soleil's Mom was in my African Diaspora and the World class. (Taught by a White Mormon named Dr. White...and maybe it was Chevonne not Shameika. but I digress.) How did our generation of Middle Class black women become uptight? We work hard to make the people who sacrificed for us proud; we work to create a new positive stereotype for the black woman; we've done all of this at the expense of exploring the side of our identity that exists behind closed doors.

Soleil's Mom makes me proud. Not only does she have an amazing education, career, and list of socially aware accomplishments, she's also managed to create a home with a beautiful baby with a loving (black) husband. She's living the American Dream, one that many young blacks (regardless of socio economic background) are convinced they won't achieve entirely, and your role in that makes me proud.

Enough with the sappy BS. I'm glad you saw a black sappy movie on opening weekend even though you need to prepare for the Oscars.

Oh yeah- I know we've had this discussion before, but YOU KNOW if Meik's hair looked crazy you'd be annoyed.

My 5 AM Musings

It's after 5 AM and I'm still awake. I'm sure this post is going to be disjointed and crazy as hell, but what else am I going to do at this hour?

1. This for the ladies: If you suffer from intense menstrual cramps and you decide pop Midol all day long so you can seem somewhat normal, please remember that it is LOADED with caffeine. You may find yourself cramp free blogging the night away. You'll need to take the meds the next day to fight off your crabbiness due to lack of sleep.

2. People piss me off. I know that's nothing new, so I'll share my latest annoyances:

Issue #1

On Tuesday, The Washington Post did a piece on a study that ties political leanings to racial biases. (Deep Breath). Interesting, but the whole time I was thinking, "tell me something I don't know". Whatever. Then I stumbled across a link to an idiot's (namely Rick Roberts) blog with a response to the study. I'll just say, some people miss the point and I'll allow you to get pissed the same way I did. Enjoy.

Issue #2

Friday's Oprah featured the hilarious and now certifiable Dave Chapelle. This show was the most uncomfortable hour of television all week long. What happened Dave?

Issue #3

My love hate relationship with Television Without Pity and Starting Over must end. I'll agree, Iyanla does some pretty questionable things on the show, but the comments on TWoP have crossed over to blatantly racist and they make my stomach turn. The constant comparison of Vanzant's appearance to a donkey's is really beginning to make me mad. These people are just the type to really believe they have no racial biases. See Issue #1.



3. I saw Something New this evening. There were a few interesting things about this experience. The first was the email from MB with a synopsis asking if I was going. This is only interesting because I thought it was a movie for me/black women, I didn't realize that other people (especially gay white males) were interested in seeing this film.

I went to the movies alone and encountered the second interesting item. There were 4 other black women attending the movie alone. Hmmmm.... I must mention that by 15 minutes into the story the theater was packed with other black women, many on dates with black men.

There were three white parties in the theater, one was seated next to me and another was seated directly behind me. I don't know why that's interesting. It's 5AM whatever.

Now, let's talk about the movie. I could relate to Kenya in many ways.

1. She had a list of things she just "didn't do".

*So do I!

2. She had a list of qualities she wanted in a mate. (Employed, articulate, college degree, and black)

*This list doesn't seem too outrageous to me because it looks like my list. I guess the list is 3 items too long.

3. She was slightly anal retentive.

*You know, we've both got a lot of lists. I never thought of myself as AR, but people keep hinting that I might be.

Without giving the story away, I found the heroine to be sad and unsatisfied through most of the movie. On further reflection I wonder if I'm projecting my feelings on the movie. I'd be curious to hear what other people think.

I just ran across this review of the movie on salon. I believe the reviewer is white. There are a couple of things I would take Zacharek to task about, but this is the part that stuck out in my mind:

"Kenya is whiter than Brian is..."

You know where I'm going with that so I'll leave on a positive note. I LOVE Alfre Woodard! Between this and Desperate Housewives, she's moving to the top of my favorite actress list.

Disclamer: I am fully aware that I carry my own set of biases regarding race among many other things.