In the words of The Bitch

In the words of bell hooks, "I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance."

On Sunday Julia made me watch Meet the Press. First let it be known that I can't stand Tim Russert. Second, I must say that I am tired of listening to Bill Cosby, even if there is some truth to his complaints.

I muddled through the hour. Twice. The non-interview (because Russert didn't say much) gave me food for thought.

Bloggers weighed in on the discussion and Angry Black Bitch (linked on my Blog Roll Call) posted a great response.

I will leave this one to The Bitch.

A-kimmie's Heel

wan·der·lust
Pronunciation: 'wän-d&r-"l&st
Function: noun
: strong longing for or impulse toward wandering

As I walked into my office building today, I was overcome with ennui. I felt it as soon as I opened the door.

Ennui.

I even mentioned it to Julia. (Her response was "what are you talking about?!")

All day long, my personal soundtrack ran through my mind. I could hear my mother saying:

-"No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back."

I can hear myself telling a co-worker:
- "You haven't even given this place a chance. How do you know it's time to go?"

My friend Philip is yelling:
-"You need to have a job with no responsibility for awhile. Take the money, figure out what you really want to do, and then RUN! Literally. "

Well, I have said job. There are responsibilities (that I do not like), but the salary is high enough for me to do the job just for the money. There are relationships and events at work that make me uncomfortable. The alarm in my head started out small and quiet, now I cannot hear anything else. I'm trying to suck it up, while I desperately come up with a game plan. My problem is, all of this wandering has taught me a bit about what I should not be doing, but I still do not know what I should do instead.

Since I have no one to answer to (no kids, no spouse, no boyfriend) it is quite simple for me to pick up and leave town. But why? I have other goals: I would like to be in a relationship, I would like to have children one day; I would like to have a hobby as a hobby, not a hobby as a career. For the past 2 years, I have been trying to figure out how to make "settle down" happen without much success. I tried staying past my comfort zone, and that turned out to be a disaster. Maybe this is still my time to wander, even if I am getting old.

David Brooks says that I am in the odyssey life phase. Somehow, I am chasing something that doesn't exist. What is that something? What am I chasing that I cannot achieve? If I can figure that out, I bet I will settle down.

Since you asked...

Here we go again.

I came across this letter on Salon.com. Here's yet another 30-something black woman who can't get a date.

I'm tired of thinking about this. I'm tired of reading about this. I really just want to give up. I think it's time for me to accept the fact that I won't be meeting anyone, I won't be dating anyone, I won't be marrying anyone. By the time I recover from this latest round of frustration, I will be well past my expiration date.

I'm never going to be one of those "fast" hyper-sexual women who exudes the promise of sex at every turn. I'm finished being forward, it just never works out for me. I'm tired of letting the man be a man, that usually turns into some controlling/borderline abusive situation.

For now, it's me, the dog, and the tivo. Occasionally I can visit my friends who've had the good fortune of finding a companion. Maybe I'll make some new friends.

As for dating?


I'm done.

(whew....that reads more bitter than I thought I felt)

Just when you think you have nothing in common

I learned something very interesting at work today. Just when I thought this person could not be any more different, I learned we have similar misgivings.

After careful thought, I realized that we are still very different, but my feelings aren't way off base.

Here's a little piece from SNL. This reminds me that everyone suffers from workplace headaches.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...

Now that I have a new (full-time permanent) job my blog will focus on my latest obsessions: race and the anti-racist movement, the abundance of negative stereotypes of black women portrayed in the media, and reality television. Cheetos Rock! Have you seen Sabrina Bryan on Dancing with the Stars?

Here is a clip of Bryan on the dance floor:




(Go to 2:21 for the beginning of the dance)

The Resurrection

I'm slowly beginning to come out of hiding. I'm recovering from the disaster my life has become.

Most of the ruin is from my personal poor choices. Some of the ruin is from believing in people who don't believe in themselves, people who dealing with internal demons running away from the messes they've created. Well. I can relate to that can't I? While I sympathize I don't need to be witness to the madness, this time I must exercise a little self-preservation. Some of my destruction comes from my ability to see the potential in things...the other side of struggle can be glorious. Not everyone is strong enough to make it through the hard times and sometimes I need to learn the art of giving up or moving on.


Moving on...

All You've Got To Do Is Dream

Shooting at the Olando Ale House

Anyone who has worked for Walt Disney World has probably made at least one trip to this bar and restaurant, so when Julia sent me the link to this article I was stunned.


Well, it was never the nicest bar in the world, but it's shocking all the same.

Procrastination

I have so many thoughts about Dreamgirls that I can't begin to write a coherent blog post about the movie.

From the Jennifer Holiday controversy to Jennifer Hudson's Oscar nomination there is so much to say about this movie.

There were parts that I loved, including Ms. Hudson's performance of "And I am Telling You". I have never experienced a show stopper in the movie theater. In my opinion, Hudson's performance took me on a greater emotional journey than Ms. Holiday (of course, I was five when I saw Jennifer Holiday live, but with the power of You Tube, my memory has been refreshed.) For me, the movie recording of "AIATY" and "Dreamgirls" replace the original cast album as the definitive versions of these songs.

That's all for now. Maybe I need to view the movie a 6th time.

Here's my list of things to watch:

"One Night Only" on BET.

In the spirit of the new season of American Idol check out my favorite JHud performance:


My favorite contestant so far this season, I laughed hysterically at this audition:


If you are tired of singing check out Baxter's diary as he visits the grandparents while his mom works a crazy schedule.

Questions of the week:

(This is for the theater heads)
Is it ok for me to be bitter about Grease: You're the One that We Want? Of course I'm watching it, but when will America have enough of the NEXT blonde girl with a mediocre voice realizing her dreams of stardom? Never? Am I the only person interested in seeing how they cast the rest of the show? (Rizzo anyone?) To me Sandy and Danny are the least interesting people in Grease, and further, every school in America has done a production of Grease, does it really matter who lands the lead role? Trust me, the Broadway core audience, is not going to be paying off local drug dealers to get the hot tickets for this production.

::stepping down from the soapbox::