Angry Black Women

This is the most insightful thing I've read all day.

SheCodes wrote about the Angry Black Woman. Her analogy is brilliant and brought me to a greater understanding of the world as I know it.

Please follow the link and read the entire post.

clipped from blackwomenvote.blogspot.com Black American Women: What's the big deal? What's the big deal? Why are you offended? It's a question that indignant black women are contantly asked in times like this. In America, and increasingly around the world, there is a prevailing assumption that many of American black women are just being ultra-sensitive, hyper-vigilant, and, well, generally "angry" for deciding to respond to ridicule, insults, and even salaciously veiled threats. Two identical actions. Two very different reactions. ...the difference of public reaction and outrage is NOT due to the difference in importance of the actions, but the difference in the perceived value of the women who were insulted.

I'm so proud!

I'm so proud of my dear friend Rhonney. Besides being the most determined and dedicated person I know, he also supportive and smart.

He is a creative genius.

Below is a promo clip of one of his plays. It Goes Unsaid has enjoyed productions in both LA and NYC.

Please watch and enjoy.

Lighten up!

These kids are working it out!

Jeez. Now I'm Depressed

You know, things really aren't that bleak. Yes it sucks to be invisible. It's frustrating as hell. I must say "Don't you see me standing here?!" several times a week.

Everyone wants to be acknowledged. That's human nature. It's American nature.

The further truth is that there are things I'm pretty happy with. When I look in the mirror, I'm happy to see the face/body staring back at me. Ok. I want to lose 10 pounds, but who doesn't? I still look great in my bathing suit. I'm happy with my accomplishments, even if my current situation isn't ideal, I know that I have the background and drive to make things better. If nothing else, I can sit down and play the piano and have a creative release.

The frustration comes when I eventually say to myself:

How come no one else sees what I see?

That's probably why I have so many gay friends. They are free to appreciate and share those things without the pressure of having sexual attraction (or lack thereof) attached to any expression of appreciation.

Who knows?

No escape: Not Woman Enough

"And ain't I a woman?"

Racialcious guest contributor Tami wrote a very thoughtful post about how often people forget that black women are WOMEN too.


This post hit home for me because on my recent trip, I had an encounter with a couple from Italy. It was late at night and my travel buddy and I were out on the balcony having a quiet conversation as we enjoyed our last evening on the beach. First, the woman came out upset that we were actually talking, and then she sent her husband out. He proceeded to curse us out in Italian. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at 3AM. The people walking around the resort stopped to watch the situation unfold.

You know me. I don't stand for that kind of thing. I got up and walked away, but this guy proceeded to engage my friend in the end yelling "Fuck You!" in Italian.

In what universe does a 70-year-old man curse at two young ladies, who have really done nothing? We were not having a party, or laughing or playing quarters. We were whispering. Then it hit me. We are so low on the totem pole of social hierarchy, coupled with the fact that we were not even perceived as females, it was easy. We were not the same kind of human.

It is one thing to walk around the States and know the history and the struggle of black females in America. To know that this kind of prejudice is so ingrained in the culture that you just keep on keeping on because if you let it stop you there would be no living for all the anger. To engage with someone who does not share that history and to be treated the same way was:

HEARTBREAKING

That's life though.

Tami's words and the associated comments help me know that I am not alone in the struggle. I just don't know what that means. I cannot quite figure out why I care so much. Is it because I can't get a date? Is it because now that I am getting older I would love to have help hefting my 50lb suitcase into the car? Is it because half of my identity, the woman part, is largely ignored by society as a whole, and ignored by the men who look like me?

I talked about Damaged Black Men, but it seems that despite my efforts I'm heading straight down the path of Damaged Black Woman, and I don't have negative relationships with men to blame for the damage, this happened just by living.

Whatever. The good part about being a woman is having hope. Perception of black women cannot be this dismal forever. Can it?

Happy Valentine's Day!

HOPE

I love this picture.

I think I can do this....

There is an interracial dating blog that I've been following. I initially found this site on some black guy's blog. He was rating that Evia and Halima hate on black men by calling them DBR (Damaged Beyond Repair).

Black Women's IR Circle is quite interesting. I don't know where I stand on the issue of dating outside the race, but the ladies bring up some great points. The idea that really resonates with me is that in terms of sheer numbers, by limiting myself to black men only, I'm setting myself up for a bit of man-sharing.

Not an option!

The thought that follows is that eligible black men who are willing to date black women take advantage of the numbers and in turn shit on the black women who are "lucky" enough to date them.

Right now I'm just standing on the sidelines observing. Since I have issues, at this point I'd rather be by myself than date a DBR or a white man.

Whatever. This issue is so complex. The real reason for my post is the most recent discussion on Halima's blog. The title of the post?

Are black girls rapidly normalising the 'hierarchy' of who is worthy of love an companionship?

My heart stopped. The idea is so painful, but only because I know there is so much truth in the idea. Halima writes:

Are black girls rapidly normalising societies spelt out ‘hierarchy’ of who is loveable, worthy to be feted and whose hand should be sought in marriage. The sad thing is that I think our generation has a lot to do with this state of affairs, by being inert and refusing to unequivocally counter any campaign to declare us unlovable, and unviable as partners. We just stood their and took it, no doubt complaining, but still in essence ‘taking it’. There was no real and practical response when it was being declared that ‘it is good that bw should be alone”.

An interesting thought.

Halima continues:

I must add that 'complacency', 'indifference', 'apathy', 'shrugging of shoulders' is becoming a very big barrier to rooting out misogyny and anti-bw sentiments in our community, because bw themselves become indifferent to and even content to wear the chains placed around their necks and even celebrate these as ‘happy garlands’.

What about the issue of non-bboys ignoring bgirls. Do you think they are internalising this sentiment from seeing that bboys don’t even give fellow bgirls (apart from the near white ones), the time of day? And thus, are bg becoming invisible to them or are they absorbing this from general societal sentiments that have declared that bw are not serious relationship/dating material?

OK. These words are difficult to read. While I'm nodding my head in agreement, inside I'm screaming "What the hell were we supposed to do instead?!" How were we not supposed to alienate the few black men who would associate with us? How were we not supposed to seem different from the stereotypical black women when faced with some white women who wanted to sex up some black man? If I responded to everything that hurt my ego or my chances for dating, I would have nothing positive to say in any social situation.

I guess I'm willing to take the blame. That's what black women do, isn't it? Take the blame for every social ill that plagues the black community. This time, however, it is our fault, and DIRECTLY impacts our daily lives.

Now I'm off to read the comments. I'll probably want a drink by the time I'm finished.

ETA --This is one of the first comments:

It's a shame.

Black girls have been watching all the while black women have been degrading themselves by wasting their time, resources, energy, and youth with undeserving damaged beyond repair black males.

Black women have taught black girls by example the lie that their undesirable and must be content with this situation.

Another poster writes:

what really use to annoy me was knowing how so many young black girls in general would take their white female friends around black males in black casual and group settings (mostly in the states). It's as if some black girls are now actually part of the program to their own demise.

La~ this is what I meant when i said that I am often times get confused by bw strong need to be magnanimous and open minded in a world that is utterly unfair to them. In a sense like you, I think this does point to the fact that they accept their subordinate position and as you say are going a step further to actually facilitate it!

Guilty Again. I don't know that I've ever invited a white friend to a black casual setting, but if pressed by a friend, I'm often reluctant to say I don't want to bring them because they are white.

Jeez.

Looks like I'm going to want that drink to get through the comments...::sigh::

How many times has this happened to you?

This video is hysterical.




(hat tip: Racialicious)

The real problem with classical music

[A] young woman, sat down to Schumann, bending her back, lifting her head
and gazing straight up. Maybe God was sitting in the rafters just above her, and
she was using the opportunity to say hello. Both pianists were perfectly fluent.
They kept time, played the right notes and sounded expressive when they were
supposed to.

...lugubrious gymnastics like these advertise the feelings of performers, not of Beethoven or Schumann. Music is asked to stand in line and wait its turn.

Our two pianists might simply have been talking themselves into playing well and sharing the conversation with us. Maybe they didn’t trust their own ability to make music without a little theater to juice up the proceedings. Elaborate arm waving and heaven-bound gazes, at any rate, seem to have become part of the conservatory curriculum, like accurate scales and counterpoint.

I think Holland is missing something essential. This isn't about the performers stepping aside to let the music stand on its own, to let Beethoven or Schumann shine. This is about how people get a chance to perform in an expressive manner in much the same way that artists of other genres do. Now that classical music isn't reserved for the record player and to the elite in a concert hall...now that everything is televised and wild gesturing is a part of today’s performance currency, why do we expect differently. An audience that consumes MTV and BET expects a bit of showmanship.

What would make watching some stoic guy on television playing Bach be more compelling than watching my favorite rap star command the stage with lyrics and dance? Take away 20 years of music training and there is no way I’d be turning on Great Performances. With Emmanuel Ax’s style of performance that put me to sleep in no less than five minutes or Glenn Gould’s strange habits including moaning and humming through the Brandenberg Concerti; a little change in style of performance is right up my alley.

Granted, I have not seen the competition that set Holland in motion. There has to be middle ground. There has to be a way “classical” music can still appeal to contemporary musicians and audiences. I just don’t see how we are supposed to dismiss the performer who has got the camera’s focus and just concentrate on the music as if the performer doesn’t exist. I believe those days are over.