In the words of The Bitch

In the words of bell hooks, "I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance."

On Sunday Julia made me watch Meet the Press. First let it be known that I can't stand Tim Russert. Second, I must say that I am tired of listening to Bill Cosby, even if there is some truth to his complaints.

I muddled through the hour. Twice. The non-interview (because Russert didn't say much) gave me food for thought.

Bloggers weighed in on the discussion and Angry Black Bitch (linked on my Blog Roll Call) posted a great response.

I will leave this one to The Bitch.

A-kimmie's Heel

wan·der·lust
Pronunciation: 'wän-d&r-"l&st
Function: noun
: strong longing for or impulse toward wandering

As I walked into my office building today, I was overcome with ennui. I felt it as soon as I opened the door.

Ennui.

I even mentioned it to Julia. (Her response was "what are you talking about?!")

All day long, my personal soundtrack ran through my mind. I could hear my mother saying:

-"No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back."

I can hear myself telling a co-worker:
- "You haven't even given this place a chance. How do you know it's time to go?"

My friend Philip is yelling:
-"You need to have a job with no responsibility for awhile. Take the money, figure out what you really want to do, and then RUN! Literally. "

Well, I have said job. There are responsibilities (that I do not like), but the salary is high enough for me to do the job just for the money. There are relationships and events at work that make me uncomfortable. The alarm in my head started out small and quiet, now I cannot hear anything else. I'm trying to suck it up, while I desperately come up with a game plan. My problem is, all of this wandering has taught me a bit about what I should not be doing, but I still do not know what I should do instead.

Since I have no one to answer to (no kids, no spouse, no boyfriend) it is quite simple for me to pick up and leave town. But why? I have other goals: I would like to be in a relationship, I would like to have children one day; I would like to have a hobby as a hobby, not a hobby as a career. For the past 2 years, I have been trying to figure out how to make "settle down" happen without much success. I tried staying past my comfort zone, and that turned out to be a disaster. Maybe this is still my time to wander, even if I am getting old.

David Brooks says that I am in the odyssey life phase. Somehow, I am chasing something that doesn't exist. What is that something? What am I chasing that I cannot achieve? If I can figure that out, I bet I will settle down.

Since you asked...

Here we go again.

I came across this letter on Salon.com. Here's yet another 30-something black woman who can't get a date.

I'm tired of thinking about this. I'm tired of reading about this. I really just want to give up. I think it's time for me to accept the fact that I won't be meeting anyone, I won't be dating anyone, I won't be marrying anyone. By the time I recover from this latest round of frustration, I will be well past my expiration date.

I'm never going to be one of those "fast" hyper-sexual women who exudes the promise of sex at every turn. I'm finished being forward, it just never works out for me. I'm tired of letting the man be a man, that usually turns into some controlling/borderline abusive situation.

For now, it's me, the dog, and the tivo. Occasionally I can visit my friends who've had the good fortune of finding a companion. Maybe I'll make some new friends.

As for dating?


I'm done.

(whew....that reads more bitter than I thought I felt)

Just when you think you have nothing in common

I learned something very interesting at work today. Just when I thought this person could not be any more different, I learned we have similar misgivings.

After careful thought, I realized that we are still very different, but my feelings aren't way off base.

Here's a little piece from SNL. This reminds me that everyone suffers from workplace headaches.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...

Now that I have a new (full-time permanent) job my blog will focus on my latest obsessions: race and the anti-racist movement, the abundance of negative stereotypes of black women portrayed in the media, and reality television. Cheetos Rock! Have you seen Sabrina Bryan on Dancing with the Stars?

Here is a clip of Bryan on the dance floor:




(Go to 2:21 for the beginning of the dance)