No escape: Not Woman Enough

"And ain't I a woman?"

Racialcious guest contributor Tami wrote a very thoughtful post about how often people forget that black women are WOMEN too.


This post hit home for me because on my recent trip, I had an encounter with a couple from Italy. It was late at night and my travel buddy and I were out on the balcony having a quiet conversation as we enjoyed our last evening on the beach. First, the woman came out upset that we were actually talking, and then she sent her husband out. He proceeded to curse us out in Italian. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at 3AM. The people walking around the resort stopped to watch the situation unfold.

You know me. I don't stand for that kind of thing. I got up and walked away, but this guy proceeded to engage my friend in the end yelling "Fuck You!" in Italian.

In what universe does a 70-year-old man curse at two young ladies, who have really done nothing? We were not having a party, or laughing or playing quarters. We were whispering. Then it hit me. We are so low on the totem pole of social hierarchy, coupled with the fact that we were not even perceived as females, it was easy. We were not the same kind of human.

It is one thing to walk around the States and know the history and the struggle of black females in America. To know that this kind of prejudice is so ingrained in the culture that you just keep on keeping on because if you let it stop you there would be no living for all the anger. To engage with someone who does not share that history and to be treated the same way was:

HEARTBREAKING

That's life though.

Tami's words and the associated comments help me know that I am not alone in the struggle. I just don't know what that means. I cannot quite figure out why I care so much. Is it because I can't get a date? Is it because now that I am getting older I would love to have help hefting my 50lb suitcase into the car? Is it because half of my identity, the woman part, is largely ignored by society as a whole, and ignored by the men who look like me?

I talked about Damaged Black Men, but it seems that despite my efforts I'm heading straight down the path of Damaged Black Woman, and I don't have negative relationships with men to blame for the damage, this happened just by living.

Whatever. The good part about being a woman is having hope. Perception of black women cannot be this dismal forever. Can it?