I think I can do this....

There is an interracial dating blog that I've been following. I initially found this site on some black guy's blog. He was rating that Evia and Halima hate on black men by calling them DBR (Damaged Beyond Repair).

Black Women's IR Circle is quite interesting. I don't know where I stand on the issue of dating outside the race, but the ladies bring up some great points. The idea that really resonates with me is that in terms of sheer numbers, by limiting myself to black men only, I'm setting myself up for a bit of man-sharing.

Not an option!

The thought that follows is that eligible black men who are willing to date black women take advantage of the numbers and in turn shit on the black women who are "lucky" enough to date them.

Right now I'm just standing on the sidelines observing. Since I have issues, at this point I'd rather be by myself than date a DBR or a white man.

Whatever. This issue is so complex. The real reason for my post is the most recent discussion on Halima's blog. The title of the post?

Are black girls rapidly normalising the 'hierarchy' of who is worthy of love an companionship?

My heart stopped. The idea is so painful, but only because I know there is so much truth in the idea. Halima writes:

Are black girls rapidly normalising societies spelt out ‘hierarchy’ of who is loveable, worthy to be feted and whose hand should be sought in marriage. The sad thing is that I think our generation has a lot to do with this state of affairs, by being inert and refusing to unequivocally counter any campaign to declare us unlovable, and unviable as partners. We just stood their and took it, no doubt complaining, but still in essence ‘taking it’. There was no real and practical response when it was being declared that ‘it is good that bw should be alone”.

An interesting thought.

Halima continues:

I must add that 'complacency', 'indifference', 'apathy', 'shrugging of shoulders' is becoming a very big barrier to rooting out misogyny and anti-bw sentiments in our community, because bw themselves become indifferent to and even content to wear the chains placed around their necks and even celebrate these as ‘happy garlands’.

What about the issue of non-bboys ignoring bgirls. Do you think they are internalising this sentiment from seeing that bboys don’t even give fellow bgirls (apart from the near white ones), the time of day? And thus, are bg becoming invisible to them or are they absorbing this from general societal sentiments that have declared that bw are not serious relationship/dating material?

OK. These words are difficult to read. While I'm nodding my head in agreement, inside I'm screaming "What the hell were we supposed to do instead?!" How were we not supposed to alienate the few black men who would associate with us? How were we not supposed to seem different from the stereotypical black women when faced with some white women who wanted to sex up some black man? If I responded to everything that hurt my ego or my chances for dating, I would have nothing positive to say in any social situation.

I guess I'm willing to take the blame. That's what black women do, isn't it? Take the blame for every social ill that plagues the black community. This time, however, it is our fault, and DIRECTLY impacts our daily lives.

Now I'm off to read the comments. I'll probably want a drink by the time I'm finished.

ETA --This is one of the first comments:

It's a shame.

Black girls have been watching all the while black women have been degrading themselves by wasting their time, resources, energy, and youth with undeserving damaged beyond repair black males.

Black women have taught black girls by example the lie that their undesirable and must be content with this situation.

Another poster writes:

what really use to annoy me was knowing how so many young black girls in general would take their white female friends around black males in black casual and group settings (mostly in the states). It's as if some black girls are now actually part of the program to their own demise.

La~ this is what I meant when i said that I am often times get confused by bw strong need to be magnanimous and open minded in a world that is utterly unfair to them. In a sense like you, I think this does point to the fact that they accept their subordinate position and as you say are going a step further to actually facilitate it!

Guilty Again. I don't know that I've ever invited a white friend to a black casual setting, but if pressed by a friend, I'm often reluctant to say I don't want to bring them because they are white.

Jeez.

Looks like I'm going to want that drink to get through the comments...::sigh::